Today at work, I was approached by one of my employees - an older woman in her late fifty's. She explained to me in deepest sincerity that the Halloween costume contest we were holding had offended her, and made the workplace "uncomfortable". After a horribly inaccurate two minute lecture on a section of the bible that explained the final confrontation between Jesus and Satan as an angel, she made her feeble attempt of producing a point to this drawn out waste of my two-minutes - Halloween is a celebration of the Devil.
The first thing that came to my mind was to immediately call this old hag out. I wanted so badly to make it clear to her that she was not fooling anyone with the crosses, pictures of Jesus, and bible scriptures she has posted in her booth, as the ever repopulating cold-sores on her upper-lip announced to the world her true activities. But then I thought for a second, and as I always strive to do before making rash decisions... I put myself into her raggedy, granny Velcro shoes.
I start to make a mental list of what makes Halloween so evil, and it all begins to make sense. By God, all of these years I've let the Devil slip into my life completely unknowing of his doings. Who else would thrive from the energy of families as they spend time together? Who else would squirm with joy, just by knowing that millions of people are giving away treats for free? What kind of monster promotes children dressing up in costumes that fulfill their dreams of being their favorite TV-show character? Obviously the Devil.
I snapped back into reality. I looked the kind old woman in the eye, and told her in the nicest way possible to go suck another dick. - RG
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