Today while I was avoiding work and surfing a discussion board on the internet, a man posted multiple off the wall topic discussions. As I do not have permission to use his name, he will be referred to from now on as "Bing". While I give Bing credit for both his enthusiasm as well as his creativity, his English is a little...off. Each time I saw one of his topics arise, I stopped myself from being myself (a dickhead), and bit my tongue. Eventually, it built up inside of me and I slipped.
His topic was: "What is evil world? And how many other worlds are there? And how did you know?" [sic]
The obvious, and only true answer:
There are approximately forty-two other planets in the universe, twelve of which contain life-forms. One of these planets, specifically, contains such a variety of life - it is truly amazing. The creatures range from small mole likes creatures that travel in packs of three, to large dragon type brutes that fly the open skies. During my time on this specific planet, I made friends with a small monster that resembled an earthling mouse. We didn't get along at first, but we came to be best friends. During our time together we teamed up to tame other forms of wild beasts, as well as fended off the evil gangs that controlled the planet.
I know all of this, because Pikachu is my best friend, and I just had to catch them all.
While I received replies of "lulz", there was one man right in center who's broken English was still able to have been interpreted as slightly less than tickled. While I entered this information in a reply to his question as a means of answering it with a credible source, Bing sought to find the subliminal message in it, and confronted me.
After twenty minutes of back and forth messaging, Bing finally got his point across. From what I gathered, Bing only appreciated serious answers, as the questions he asked were very serious. I apologized to Bing, and expressed my sincerity in attempting to fine tune my future responses in such matters.
Ten minutes go by, and oh look.. Bing has started a new discussion. Let's see if this is a little more...nope...for fuck's sake.
"Somethings that you wouldn't do. Say it out now." [sic]
Now it was never my goal to piss Bing off, but apparently it is a god-given ability of mine. All I wanted was to fit in, and answer his logical queries with responses at, or close to the same level of logic. Makes sense, right? My reply:
I would never eat green eggs and ham. I'm a pretty big fan of eggs, and I absolutely love ham...but that little Sam I am bimbo will not convince me that 'going green' applies to my beloved breakfast. Go away Sam I am! Go away!
Within minutes, an unwarranted message arrives. Mr. Bing sends me a final message for the evening, wishing me a good evening, as well as offering incentives for me to be involved in future posts! ...or at least that's what I made out of "I hope you are happy with tonight. Only stupid one and coward one would"
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