Free Firewood

Being an asshole on Craigslist has become quite the hobby of mine while sitting at work, bored.  I'm sure what makes it so fun - but it is.

Here, I bring out the hidden monster of what appeared to be a kind woman.

Original ad:

"Just cut down 3 oak trees, and giving away wood for free.  MUST CUT YOUR OWN WOOD.  THE WOOD IS NOT CUT YET, SO COME READY TO CHOP."

From: Sal Weddle <salweddle@gmail.com>
Subject: Firewood
To: sale-************@craigslist.org
Date: Saturday, December 24, 2011, 5:30 PM

Hi,

Any chance I could have you cut some of the wood for me?  I am missing my left arm, and unable to use a tool that would be able to suffice in this process.

Thanks.


On Sat, Dec 24, 2011 at 6:34 PM, Ms ******* <*********luv@yahoo.com> wrote:
Well, I have a bad back. That is why I am offering it to someone. If you can't come and cut it sorry.

Kitty
Reach me at *******-8973

From: Sal Weddle <salweddle@gmail.com>
Subject: Re: Firewood
To: Ms ******* <*********luv@yahoo.com>
Date: Monday, December 26, 2011, 6:59 PM

That's unfortunate.  I was asking if you could help, as I'd rather not have to drag my brother along with me.  His doctor says his condition prevents him from being able to do physical work without extreme pain in his lower abdomen, but fortunately for us, he lacks vocal chords and is unable to make any forms of audible noise when said pain occurs, that may bother us as we work.

When would be a good time for Thadeus and I to come by and chop?

On Mon, Dec 26, 2011 at 8:22 PM, Ms ******* <*********luv@yahoo.com> wrote:
Well, don't worry about chopping wood, you would be the last person I would allow come to my place. As I stated in my reply email, I CAN'T CUT IT EITHER, MY DR. WON'T ALLOW ME TO DO ANY PHYSICAL WORK!
Don't bother to email me back.

Kitty
Reach me at ******8973

On Mon, Dec 26, 2011 at 8:34 PM, Sal Weddle <salweddle@gmail.com> wrote:
Ms ********,

I immediately took your conditions into consideration, and would not in a million years expect you to chop any of the wood.  Thadeus has already agreed to help in doing so, and is very excited to get out of his cage.

While I appreciate your concern in whether I am able to handle the physical work myself, I assure you that I am quite capable.  While I will be letting Thadeus do most of the work, I will be keeping up with him as much as my left arm will let me.

I am however concerned upon the fact that you seem to have grown slightly hostile.  I apologize if our handicaps have offended you - believe me, we don't like them either.  I do hope that you reconsider your generous offer, and think of us as equals.

Faithfully yours, and hopefully warm this winter,

-Sal.


On Tue, Dec 27, 2011 at 6:06 PM, Sal Weddle <salweddle@gmail.com> wrote:

I'm sorry it has come to this Ms. *******, but this has gone too far.  Your discrimination against handicapped people is utterly disgusting, and being brought to the proper attention.

Under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), it is prohibited to place discrimination on the basis of disability.

Seeing as you initiated our meeting with such a generous offer, I am willing to allow you to redeem yourself, before actions are taken. 

All I want is to keep my brother and I warm this winter, and I find it preposterous that your hatred might possibly prevent this from happening.

Hoping you come to your senses,

-Sal

On Mon, Dec 27, 2011 at 6:56 PM, Ms ******* <*********luv@yahoo.com> wrote:

You and your freak brother can burn in hell.  tell that to the ada.

Kitty
Reach me at ******8973

On Tue, Dec 28, 2011 at 8:04 AM, Sal Weddle <salweddle@gmail.com> wrote:

Ms. *******

Are you implying that you're going to give us the firewood to stay warm?